another one

All I could see out the window was the pelting of the same gray rain that had been falling for three full days. I knew he would be walking by my window soon. He always walks by at the same time every day. I couldn’t go the window this time. There is something inside of me that he unearths; it moves in orbit around my heart and I feel dizzy, queasy, abnormally unnerved. I wonder if he loves adventure at all; if perhaps that is what he wishes for it in the dark, with only the moon to witness the transaction between he and God. Certainly it is what I longed for yesterday, what I wish for today, and what I will still be seeking tomorrow. Single drops of rain hit my window, inch towards each other, hesitatingly at first, then they meet, take each other's from and slide quickly down, running, frantic, one. Without taking notice of myself, I am daydreaming again.
I sat with my book, reading but not comprehending, finding myself at the beginning of the same paragraph I had started an hour earlier.