#161

it is unspeakable that i should go on with my life while hers is crashing down all around her. this morning's "to-do" list included preparing ground turkey for taco night, folding laundry, writing a letter to my grandmother. has it been a week, two weeks, more, since she has had the heart to touch pen to paper? to-do lists notwithstanding.

my funniest cousin called me yesterday, recounting his day and i laughed, i laughed till my eyes were wet and there was a certain pain in that, knowing that all of her laughter recently is only laughter of relief and not of joy.

i feel the burden to act melancholy, because i feel melancholy along with her, i do ache for her. what am i to say? my laughter makes me feel calloused; i only just heard the latest news. every phone call home reminds me of how much i hold in my hands every day.

i dread seeing her destroyed.