#44

she found it on her bedside table. it looked as if it had been folded over and over. it was not a new note, but she had never seen it before. she cried as she read it, but wasn't sure if it was relief, guilt, or sadness. whatever emotion it was, it took hold of her. she sat very still for a very long time.

"Dear Helen,
you kept teling me to stop. You said if I love you I would stop. You should know that your right. I dont think I can love anything. Maybe god didnt' give me the capabillity of love. I gess you know now that you married the wrong guy. Maybe you can tell the kids I'm in the army now or somthing. I'll find a way to get money to you. I'll try. You know I always tryed.
I dont' think its a diseese like some people say. I just dont' have the will-power. Im not a strong man, but I gess you know that too.
I love you- at least as much as I know how. If there was anything about me that was good, it was you. Thanks for seeing somthing good about me. I dont' think youll see me again unless they stop making booze. but maybe.
take care of youreself.
Jon"